Sitting in a poorly described pub with his friends, Robbie attempts to move his focus about the bar room. The dirty floors, walls panted of white. A pool table with a couple of players. But the place was nearly empty except him and his friends. Stephen was getting pretty wasted, John was barely through his first drink though. John stared at his beer and was unusually quiet.
"What's up Robbie?" John asked only looking at him momentarily without raising his head, than he took another sip at his bottled drink.
Rob didn't respond automatically. And when he did it wasn't what was on his mind, "It's nothing, a busy week I guess. I'm feeling pretty tired. I should probably head home soon."
"What are you talking about," John looked up, he turned his head to Rob. "It's not even seven yet. You have even had a drink." Rob didn't respond. "You're off, what is it?"
Rob sat there trying to concentrate on what had been bothering him. "I'm not the one who's off." He began, but he stopped. He looked at John and Steve, only John seemed interested in what he was saying. "Nah you wouldn't understand." He got up and began to head for the door.
John decided to leave it be, Robbie had always been the crazy one. The pool players kept at there game, the bar tender was pre-occupied with cleaning up the place, or at least going through the motions. Steve tried to order another drink but instead he fell off his stool.
Robbie walked out into the parking lot and looked around trying to survey the new setting. it was getting dark, the streets were fairly empty, it was autumn, september. It seemed unreal, and flat but he didn't understand why. He walked on to his car, got in it and started it. He pulled out of the lot and drove home.

At his house he'd expect to see his wife, his kids and maybe a microwaved dinner. That's what he got. Than he sat down by the television and tried to click through all the shit. There was nothing at all. Bad commercials and even worse sit coms. He couldn't focus on them, they blurred together they could not be described. They had no place in the story. His wife sat down next to him on the coach. He met her nineteen years ago, they got married twelve years ago. there eldest was ten.
Her name was Dorothy. She had golden hair and brown eyes. She laughed and was beautiful to him. And she loved him, and he loved her. But it felt like that love was too good. Like a fairy tale love. He held her close but he could not feel her, he could not taste her and he didn't understand why. Like she was not all there, and he felt like he wasn't all there. The house was empty, not in the sense that there was nothing and no one there but in the sense that it felt empty... it felt grey and cold and blank.
"Are you crying?" his lovely wife asked.
"I shouldn't be crying." He said, was it because he had such a perfect life that he shouldn't be crying? Was it because he was too tough a man that he shouldn't be crying? No that wasn't the answer. "No one told me to cry." he finally settled on, saying it out loud.
"What are you talking about?" His wife Dorothy asked, the tone of her voice was concerned. "What's wrong?"
"Everything." he answered. She was put off by this, she was a good wife, she was faithful. Robbie lived a good life, he was a hard working everything was perfect, it couldn't all be wrong.
"What do you mean by that?" She said her voice rising with sudden anger. She moved away from him dramatically. He was a bit confused, than he realized why she was angry. He had worded it wrong.
"No, that isn't it. I remember my life but it doesn't feel real. This all feels staged, scripted. I'm not the one who is off. Well... no I am." He struggled to try to explain it. "everyone is, everything is. I look around and I can only focus on certain things, I can only see bits and pieces of the world. The things I say feel forced, the actions I take, they feel staged too." He felt enlightened as he said out loud, "It's written."
He looked around and the TV was paused. No it wasn't paused, it couldn't be it wasn't a movie. It was broken, he turned to his wife and she was frozen to, unresponsive and stiff. The room felt dead only Robbie could move. His epiphany had made it pointless to continue the story.
He stood up, paced a bit and tried the phone. he couldn't move it, it was as if it was connected to the hook. He could change nothing, everything was completely static except himself. Who was doing this, who was writing this crap. He couldn't even open an doors that were closed, and the windows were imposable to smash, he was trapped and alone.
He looked up to the ceiling and shouted, "Who are you?!" He wanted to kick and fight but there was nothing to fight. Nothing was real. "You're trying to recreate reality but you can't can you?" He shouted, "You can't recreate this." he gestured to his house and his things and his family. "It isn't real, they're not real, I'm not real!" ...
The narator stopped typing at the end of the dialogue. What more could Robbie say, what more could he do. His classmates ignored the clacking he was making on his laptop. He looked around class was about to start. He closed the lid to his laptop without exiting the word document. Maybe Robbie's world would unfreeze another day, but he doubted it.

Okay, I have things to do. I'm supposed to be studying chord progressions. And I need to hurry because my lesson is on Monday instead of the usual Wednesday. This is in case I end up in Philadelphia this week. My sister lives there and she will be up to visit for a week or so. She wanted to come up to see Claire and to visit for Thanksgiving. Well she'll get to do one of those things. But she doesn't want to drive up alone, it's a long drive. I don't mind going down there... I can't help with the driving because I never learned (I'm terrified of driving, as well as many other stupid things)
So I rescheduled my lessons, but I still haven't got the bus ticket. I don't really have the money and neither does my mom. My dad probably wont pay for it bcuase, in his words, "I don't want you and your sister one the Jersey Turnpike." It would be lame if my sister wouldn't visit because I couldn't get a ticket. I have eleven dollars... I simply cant afford it. And I really am not sure I want to go there. I'm starting to get anxious I guess.

Still, whether or not I go I have to work on that music stuff because I already changed when the class was. So I know I'm going to class tomorrow. I don't know how the rest of the week is going to turn out. If everything goes as planned than I guess... um... I actually don't know. No one ever tells me what the plan is.

Update: I wont be going to Philelphia because my sisters car is shit so she'll probably be taking the bus up here and I wont have to go down there. Problem solved. The end.

Update: I will not be taking the bus down there if I'm going to be going down there at all. My dad will be driving down there this weekend. I want to go but I'm not sure I'll have much time to enjoy the place if I go... and it probably wont be any fun at all.

I don't have anything prepared but I've wanted to organize my thoughts since they told me what's happened. I was cooking some spaghetti, I had decided it was about done I put together a plate. The food was in front of me and I was wondering the same thing I always wonder after I've made food, 'how's it going to taste.' So I'm about to dig in when the nurse comes in the room. She says walked up to me put her hand over my shoulder and said, "she's passed." I don't know why I was so dumbstruck, why I couldn't understand at that moment, couldn't get past what she had said.
Earlier today I was in town, I went to the bank and found out that one hundred dollars I supposedly had was missing. I shrugged that off easily. I told myself that far worse could happen. But now the worst has happened. Everyone else seems to be taking it in stride but I've never had great coping skills. I don't know what to assume, what to expect. My mom was almost relieved, she called it a blessing... I can understand that... Claire was very sick, she was sedated and couldn't move and could barely speak. But still... I don't think I could ever have prepared for this.

You see I meet Claire about nine years ago. She became a part of this family nine years ago. She never really treated us like her children, she never tries to act the part of substitute. But she was a substitute, my dad was never really there... he had never felt like he was there. He's not a bad person or anything, he just wasn't much of a family kind of guy. Neither was Claire, but at least she never pretended like she was. And I learned a lot from her, she worked hard, she was a strong person and in the end she really did sincerely care about us. About me and my brother and sister and I know she loved my mom.

So those are a few words that I've been wanting to say. I've wanted to say something like that to Claire before she passed. But I never really had the chance, I never felt right telling her how much she meant to me. When times were bad she was the one who kept this family together. She was the one who not just rationalized things but let people know why they're acting irrational. She may have come off as cold some days, but there where times when I knew she cared.

I'm still shell shocked. I'm still digesting, still trying to get used to the thought. Something in my life is changed forever, something is gone that will never come back. As many times as I tell myself that "I'll get over this" and "death is a part of life" I still don't feel any better. But what else can I do? what am I expected to do? How do I deal with this? ... I don't the answers. But I have no other choice but just let things happen.

oh what the hell, I'm probably going to regret this later but fuck it. Here is my deviant art account for anyone who might be interested in seeing what happens when my hand picks up the pen and the pen touches the paper in an obscene and perverse manner. BAMF! Regardless the best part is the artist commentary I left for the pictures I drew or computered. They may not all fit but I'll try to tranfer them over.

Never Hundred: Submitted, June 8, 2007
Sort of made this as a CD cover concept for my synth band music.....
The album Never Hundred (self titled) was supposed to be my first lyrical album... I'm... working on that.

Courtyard: June 15, 2007
This is The Courtyard, it's the setting of the book I'm writing. The Mansion is in the center, the settlements around it, in clockwise order Konrad, Edenborough, Bixton and li'l ol' Paredo.
The forest is were most of the action takes place in the book, in the beginning it's mostly in The Mansion though.
about the little map, well, not exactly to scale, and some written things are a little difficult to read. yeah, and some of the places don't make sense.. I don't even know what The Institute is supposed to be. Also there are really more factories in Edenborough than one whatever.

Catina: June 15, 2007
maybe it should be in scra... but unfortunately it's my best work D:
I never really watched starwars. All I know is that Twe'liks are the ones with the boobs on there heads. What's with that?

Self thing whatever: June 26, 2007
It sucks.

Crazy Pills: July 12, 2007
I saw the words somewhere, than I heard about someone trying to snuff up a pile of salt. Funny story.

Stabbed: July 12, 2007
um, you kind of had to be there.

Scary Thang: July 12, 2007
Isn't it scary?

It's a Scam: July 12, 2007
Do you see that homeless man on the street?
Do you ever actually look at him?
So you ever see him as an actual person?
Than how do you know he is a real person?

Think about it... It could just be a prop in an elaborate scam, a general con. All of them could just be dummies, planted there by some rich fuck who wants you to give the model money. Maybe not every single one is a fake. And I'm not suggesting you take money out of the jar or can that is next to them. That would be crazy! Stupid! If it happened to be a real street urchin they wouldn't just sit there, they'd bite your arm! And it would be guarantied to get infected. I had a point. But blah... I'm bored of writing this.

Bard: August 5, 2007
I forgot this character's name. But I remember the incident... funny, bard's are supposedly the weakest character class in D&D and that bard escaped a horde of vampires. killed them all, lured them into the sunlight with his song and bang they were dead.

Darak: August 5, 2007
So Darak was an interesting one. I liked this guy, banished royalty. His story was an interesting one, had everything, bloody sacrifices, sex and illegitimate children, worshiping evil gods, treachery, murder, kidnap, rape, cover-ups and corruption.
Pretty much he's out either for redemption, or at least to win back lost favor that got him ostracized from his own country and family.
The demon was from the shadow realm I believe. he was an aggravating creature, but not any less annoying then most of the NCPs from that game. Great player character ideas though, everyone actually put some thought in their characters.

Alourne: August 5, 2007
Alourne doesn't really have much of a back story, but he/she is clearly based off of Veservous from The Order of The Stick, but I don't care, the campaign is Ravancroft so it's not anymore original. 8P

Hot Coal: February 3, 2008
I drew it a while ago, but couldn't upload it than.
I wanted to do something with shading, and a few poeple. So I did, I just sort of drew it up and I can't say I wasn't impressed with myself.

Joust: March 8, 2008
I've been playing old video arcade games. Joust II is way better than the first Joust. It's okay to kill people if they're made out of pixels. Careful warrior.

Forest Escape: March 8, 2008
It's a Twe'lik, they're the ones with the boobs on their heads. Seriously... there lobes. Or something like that. I don't know. Who really cares. When I first drew it I thought that he was running into combat... on second glance I think he's probably running AWAY from the blunt of the conflict. It's more his style. What a loser.

A Gun: March 22, 2008
Just sort of drew it up. I think I did pretty well, it's not any worse than usual.

Twisted in the Brain: March 22, 2008
I drew it because it's what the paper asked for. It's what the paper demanded. The paper was pointing a gun to my head and screaming, threatening to blow out my brains if I didn't draw it.
...er... um... no wait... that was something else... nevermind.

It is not pronounced Geeeeth: March 23, 2008
The Rodian's name was generated by Jacobs name generator... only a few less 'e's I just over exaggerate it when I say the name... because it pisses people off. I drew this a week ago, a reaction to another players character who was only four and a half feet tall. Since he spoke with my six foot tall character, donning his distinctive red and blue armor. the image seemed almost humorous. So I drew it. Also he's character was a sort of shady type, an obvious criminal who would help us if we helped him transport illegal people to other planets. I depicted this with the wanted poster on the wall, and of course his hand seems threateningly close to his blaster. It was a friendly conversation as anyone could tell. I was going to ink it with a ball point pen... than decided against doing so, only one table and a few chairs were inked. I have ruined many a good picture attempting to ink.

Very Dizzy: April 21, 2008
In Starcraft few people realize that there is a little man in the missile turrets. I know this though because I've played the game over ... and over ... and over again. But I mostly cheat my way through. I do this, for me Starcraft is more like a movie than a game, I like the plot line more than the game play. although it's still a good game.
So yeah, I play starcraft. So yeah, there is one person per missile turrets. And he is very, very dizzy.

um, this one is not great: April 21, 2008
This drawing is good enough, I could have drawn it better though. There are some mistakes and this isn't the whole drawing this is just the part that came out the best. It was on a stage kind of like a strange cabaret thing.
Yeah I don't know... it's not the weirdest thing I've drawn recently.

ImpFACE: April 21, 2008
So it's kind of a creepy face thing. Like an imp or an alien demon or something. I like to throw it at people and scream and see what they do.
They usually shrug or shake there heads in disappointment. One of these days I'll freak someone out though. Or get committed against my will. Same thing.
But that's a story for another time.

Next Morning: April 21, 2008
Yes, it's supposed to be a guy, I tried to imply that he was drinking the night before. And was just sort of waking up in woman's clothing. I sort of was trying to draw something between the legs, but it's not visible... which is a probably a good thing. l I'm still putting this under warning just in case.
So why draw this picture. Well it's good practice and I did really try with this picture. It's good because it's a guy, but it's woman's clothing, so you have to sort of keep those two things in mind, how is the clothing going to fall? and remember male and female proportions. So it was fun.
Also I'm partially interested in androgyny and bending the laws of gender and sexuality. But anything strange, controversial, fringe or provocative is cool with me.

Csy: May 16, 2008
This is an old Charcoal I did for whatever reason. I probably didn't do it for artistic reasons but for something else. I don't remember. But it was on the computer already and so I didn't need to try to upload it with my broken scanner... which does not work.

CsyII: May 16, 2008
ah ha! Now I remember, these all have to do with Tik Mahdelideene, the country that was in constant turmoil, rarely ever having a stable government. For a short while it's ruling class was lead by the Csycica dynasty... Long haired hippie types who where completely incompetent and rarely knew what was happening in the nation. I remember this because this one says Csycica II, as in Csycica the second, and also he's saying the national motto which few can decipher!
???^-^
I guess it means confusion makes me happy. Which it does.

Elf Lady: May 16, 2008
Drew this for a reason now forgotten. Has nothing to do with the previous two drawings I just posted. Probably drawn before them.

Fairyimps: May 21, 2008
Made this drawing a while ago... someone tried editing it. Yeah... you know... whatever. What was I thinking? I don't know. What was I on? um... nothing. sorry. Might be what the protoss in the other drawing I did is hallucinating. BAD TRIP! BAD TRIP!!! hahaha. yeah.

Sundrop: May 21, 2008
It's a protoss. This is the drawing with the Protoss is using sundrop. It's not the soda it's a contact drug that causes hallucination and euphoria.
So what does the drawing tell you. Well... it did not scan very well. My good scanner is broken. Well I guess he is an Auir Protoss, 'cause one poster says For Auir. He's waering pants, and custom made shoes. blah blah. Probibly lives in a Protoss part of a Terran city. Likely in Umojan city... because they are the most tolerant of Protoss.
I read a lot of useless crap. I could just go on about the terrestrial flatworm now... but I shant.

Aaahahahawhat: June 10, 2008
yawn. yeah... bazaar. I can upload drawings! ... And I ran out of paper anyway and I'm too lazypoor to do anything about that really. I don't know. It's me. That's how I think I look... but nah... I'm not nearly as handsome as that clever looking devil. oh well V_V

Classic: June 25, 2008
"Vagita! What does the scouter say about his power level?"
"It's over NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!!!"
"What!
Nine Thousand! That's imposable!"

Remember Dragon Ball Z ... I used to watch it when I got home from school back in like fifth grade. I feel old. Well It's kind of an over done joke I suppose but I was inspired to make some of this pixel arts stuff of Vagita screaming OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAND!!! Because it's what he does best.

The other one says:
Vagita! What' does the scanner say about his power level?"
"It's over NIIIIIIINE!!!"
"What?
Over nine?"
"Yup.
Over nine."

Okay I'm not great with pixel art. I'd rather be submitting stuff if I've drawn... but I can't so this crap will have to do for now. couldn't put it under pixel art 'cause my computer automatically saves all my work as JPGs could try to resave but whatever too lazy.

Never Hundred Water: July 25, 2oo8
The sound of ambiance angers the gods.
I have no idea where that came from or why. Took the picture like a year or so ago. Never Hundred is what I put for artist concerning the music I make. The letters where inspired by Grant Morrison's, The Invisibles. What else can I add. It's good old fashioned madness and mayhem. Good night.

that is everything. That is all I've got. That is all you need to know, about anything that ever existed. Okay? ... okay.

Let's say that Halloween was fun... meh wasn't really but let's pretend that it was. Dressed up as a bomber pilot. I went to a "costume" party... only I was the only one wearing a costume... yup that's right... everyone else was nekkid! No, they had regular clothing, except a few of my friends who actually have some holiday spirit. One dressed as a Samurai, another dressed as a post apocalyptic survivor. So I just sort of kicked around and tried to fit in as well as I could. It wasn't terribly fun but it was either that or hang around at home on Halloween night.

This weekend I'm supposed to judge a contest but I doubt that there will be much judging since there is maybe one or two contestant. Also I'm supposed to judge contestants who wrote funk music... so I probably wont even have to worry about doing any judging... but if there happens to be a handful of songs I can listen to that fit the requirements of the contest than I will gladly give my opinion on them. I can't even find the forum link... eh... probably was deleted because no one who entered even followed through with finishing there songs.

But that doesn't mean I wont be busy, I'm supposed to be working on a song for The Peasant I've been running into a few road blocks but I'm hoping to weave my way past them soon enough. Not much room for creative leeway but whatever, it's been challenging and I'm feeling up to a challenge. It has been slow going I'll admit but I'll find my groove soon enough.

I tried to review my latest submission but it didn't let me. That's not fair.

Summery: no one reviewing, I feel lonely and unloved.
Review: I think you need a bit of work on your programing. You used the same bassline throughout the song. The drumming was catchy but a bit too simple. Liked the measure changes, measure changes are awesome, add more of those next time.
Also some of the notes weren't audible, shouldn't you use better recording equipment? I thought you had a sound board. The song would have improved by tons if the recording quality had been a bit better.
Response: I know, I KNOW! I'm my harshest critic... but I can explain to you, or... me. I was a little lazy, but it was supposed to be all about the guitar anyway. And you know damn well that my sound equipment is buggy. If it was working properly I'd use it.

I should have seen that coming. It's about time I got banned for more than a day, but hey... it was Poozy, it's what he does best.

It was a joke. More songs for Halloween.

I wont be able to record anything for another week. I'm trying to figure out creative ways to make money from my music... without involving those bitches and leeches that make up the music industry. Music industry rule number one: don't trust anyone in the music industry.

Capitalism is dead. The revolution is here. The markets have crashed, people are selling everything but it's worth nothing. I'm going out tonight to celebrate with friends. There probably wont be any serious rioting or looting but one can hope.

it's going to be the 1930's all over again. Isn't that great?

But I'm still working on it. There is a lot more for me to do before it's complete. I have a great start I know what I want to add to it, only thing is getting around to it. I don't have the energies or the resources. I promise I'll have that together in no less than a week.

But until then I have a few old songs that I must post. They will satiate your hunger for never hundred. You can give them a listen if you try. They have a nice ring to them. They are not going to be as epic or amazing as the song I am now working on. In fact these songs are about a year old. So... that's everything I can say about that. You can read more about the songs by clicking on there specific pages. You'll hear them, read there stories and say, "okay." and than you'll write a review. Because you're cool like that.

Sure why not! All of them? YES! No you don't need to. I wont cry, it would just be interesting to see what people think. I'm working on a new song, it's going to be epic. I'm aiming for six minutes but it wont be shorter than five, this I know for sure. I'll be putting as much effort and work into this song as I possibly can. It could take weeks. I hope it does, I'll be able to get in a bassline or two, plenty of guitar rifts will be recorded.

Anyway I actually wanted to write about how I've been reviewing a lot of songs lately. I have more music reviews than flash reviews. And my music reviews are a lot more helpful, I believe that and so do others. I know, almost everyone loves music... maybe not everyone but most people claim to like it. So saying I love music isn't enough, so I'll say I feel like I have a natural affinity towards music. I like all sorts of music, I'm always trying to learn more about music, listening to new music of all sorts and learning how to make, play and produce newer and better music.

So at least check out a few of my songs. I would suggest the Skylinemarch, Malinger or The Intakes people seem to like them. I know I like them... but whatever you do avoid Schadenfruede and the Silverfish song... just kidding I like them the same as a mother loves her retarded/deformed child... and they have a spark of charm if you listen closely enough and pay attention to the notes that weren't played.

Update: I found an old track I made. I had an album out, a while back on the TTH label... it's true check out the link. This is way back in 2oo6 one of the first songs I made. on an FL Studios demo, first one with guitar recording for certain. It's hilarious.

I'm going to need to reformat my computer. But I've misplaced severely USB Sticks and the ones I have found are pretty much useless, full, broken, don't hold nearly enough memory... the usual problems. My computer has been known to eat USB drives too, you stick one in and if you don't pull it out carefully enough it's going to brake.
I've got no free compact disks, I've got nothing to back anything up on. Except.....maybe....... the internet. So I'll send several e-mails to myself with the programs that I need. It's brilliant... too brilliant... I'm fucked aren't I?
But if I don't do something soon than my entire system will be corrupted than I'll really be fucked. I don't want to have to download audacity again, and FL Studios I'd need to pay for that shit again which I can't because I spent all my money on it the first time around and now I'm practically eating out of dumpsters to survive. I don't want to cut my hair because I got it just the way I like it, but than some fuckass had to put gum in it. Bastards! But thinking about all this crap just makes me sleepy.
screw it.