This morning my thoughts went back in time. Back to my Senior year in high school. One of the most awkward times of my life. 2006, I was just beginning to come out of my shell and had all the social grace as Duncan the drunkin' spalunkin' baboon. I also was very naive, and not very perceptive. I'm still this way in many respects. So on the day in question I'm sitting with some stoner kids. About four guys and well acquainted with the cannibus and this German chick. I don't know if she was an exchange student or what the story was but all I knew was she was the german chick. No idea why I was hanging out with these people, I sort of knew a few of them but after high school I did not hang out with any of them and before that year I may have only known one or two of them.
Now I'm not quick in person, not witty and I wish I was. I'm a writer in many respects. When I wish to communicate I do it best with letters than with speech. I also never played spin the bottle. It's not something I think about, also I've become so much less interested in sex in recent years. I'm very reserved some might even say repressed. And this has also been the case so sex is not something I think about, at least not as much as other guys. So when I was bored, with no one talking and with nothing better to do I spun an empty bottle just because. And the guys looked at me with WTF eyes. I didn't even notice, wasn't paying attention to them, I had my shiny spinning bottle to observe. "Dude," One of them announced. "When there are five guys and one girl we do not play spin the bottle." I didn't even understand what he was talking about at the time. I didn't even remember the stories of this game from when I was younger. I was never really big into T.V. or Movies either so I really saw the cultural references about this game. So at first I was confused. But while the other guys where snickering or gawking with homophobic terror, it eventually came to me. And than I just blushed and shuffled away.
But thinking back I think I should have played up this whole event. I should have made fun of myself and the rest of them and had a good laugh. I'm not sure I could have, even now. I'm still extremely insecure and my wit has always been I think would have been most entertaining.
Just sitting there through lunch, on the floor because I'm hanging with the rebels. But they're not in a talking mood, probably skipped last class to go get high in the woods out behind the groundskeepers shed. I finished my MinuteMade Lemonade. I'm playing with the bottle, flipping it in the air, I decide to spin it and do so. Sean looks a little nervous and says, "Dude, when there are five guys and one girl we do not play spin the bottle." I recognize the reference from some stupid sit com that I had saw the night before. I hate watching sit coms but for whatever reason in this timeline I happened to switch the T.V. on that night. Sure it wasn't immediately in mind but it came back when I heard the name of the game and realized that spinning a bottle is a part of a kissing game. But I'm not going to be humiliated like this, not so awkwardly no. I decide to clarify things. "I'm sorry, but I've never played that game and I don't typically have making out with men in my mind all day. But I understand, everyone of you guys wants to feel the soft touch of my lips against your skin. I mean how could you not. you all see them plump and naturally red. But no, you will never get to enjoy that pleasure. I'm sorry, it's just not a fantasy you can live out. Because you all probably taste like bud and bong water, that's why." The men are all taken aback, some of them laugh nervously but I'm grinning madly.
The one girl on the other hand, she's looked at me almost for the first time. I've actually spoken up for myself, made light of the situation and came off as confident, charismatic and casual. Also she notices something else, that my lips really are as I said, very kissable. And without me even realizing it she leans over and gives me an innocent peck, nothing more. But I'm surprised... but it doesn't break me from my high. I turn to the guys, "See, what have we learned today. Flirting with men is the quickest way to win over a girls affection." And they just look at me, tired off this bullshit. And I turn to the girl, she's appalled that I just used her for the punchline of my joke. The group all get up and leave me there. I stand up a little heartbroken, and a bit discouraged. "Wait, guys... guys where are you going? Was it something I said?"
"No, it was nothing you said." The girl turned around and responded, "It was something you could have said. After all, this never happened. This is what could have happened, what you imagined might have happened. And it's stupid, don't say stupid things. If you say nothing we assume your an idiot, but if you speak up you're only going to prove it." And than I think to myself, I'm really bad at fantasizing.