It was a negligible loss for The Butterscotch Society when frontman, Allen Yokes decided he was through with the band. He's cast aside his duties as a vocalist, lyricist and liberal arts college drop out. Fellow band members had this to say, Guitarist Kenny Jester-Jones, "He used to be cool, man. I remember those days, drinking pabst blue ribbon and arguing over which bands were newer and therefor cooler." Jester-Jones than proceeded to shrug and chug a beer, he followed this action with belching loudly. It is this reporters opinion that this manner of behavior is disgusting... and by that I mean the dead panned sarcasm, egotism and narcisism not the beer guzzling. I spend many a night drinking myself into a stupor, crying over the assignments my editor gives me. Well, as long as he does his job and manages to take out any of my ranting that slips into this article than I guess we're fine. What was i writing about? Oh right, stupid indie bands nobody gives a fuck about, that's what. God I hate my editor.
It's reported that Allen Yokes and Kenny Jester-Jones had a bit of a falling out over the direction that the band was taking. They cited on there website just last yesterday morning that Yokes left the band over artistic differences. Their manager, had this to say. "Fuck 'em, and everyone who listens to this insincere shit."
It's reported that the only person who might care about the music that the band makes is Gus Azure, the drummer. "Sometimes I wonder why those guys jockeying for the limelight and bragging rights put more effort into writing good music rather than measuring their dicks. Than I remember that I'm really not that great at this whole drumming thing, I'm lucky to be in a band at all, especially one with some studio backing!"
Yes, The Butterscotch Society was a band that a studio looked at and felt it was a good idea to get into their warehouse of a studio to create deaf defying music. Here's how the argument between Guitarist Kenny Jester-Jones and Allen Yokes probably went, "Oh, you like that band? Really?" Jester-Jones stated after looking through Allen Yokes ipod. "Yeah, what of it, you introduced me to that band." rebuffs Allen Yokes. "Yeah, like eight months ago, they've totally sold out by now." Kenny Jester-Jones says with snark as he tosses Allen Yokes's ipod back at him. The ipod smacks allen Yokes in his smug face. "Ow, hey man, you know what band really sold out, The Butterscotch Society, that's the band who's really sold out! Yeah, what the fuck man. Our band has just finished up our first real studio album and now look at us, about to head across country to tour the cities and..."
Guitarist Jester-Jones interrupts, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up. It was your fucking idea to sign up with a label!"
But Allen is not deterred. "Yeah, of course it was my idea. Because it would be IRONIC, duh. But you know what else would be ironic, not being signed up to a label. Ever think of that!"
Kenny Jester-Jones cannot immediately think up a response to that pile of asinine. Sure he only has one brain cell but that still more than Allen Yokes. "Do you even know what the meaning of irony is?"
"Do you even know that I'm about to punch you in the stupid face with my stupid fists!" And than they both began to brawl. Right on the tour van. Until the fucking van swerved off the road, off a cliff toward a fiery crash of angry vengeance. But hey, that's how I choose to believe it unfolded. I still have a few dreams left.

Oh, and by the way, I'm not a columnist and as far as I know The Butterscotch Society is not a real band.