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Entry #142

That Animal

2013-03-09 08:24:41 by NeverHundred

Okay, this should cheer me up.

Animal drumming for The Melvins.

I might be writing about music for a while, if I write about anything. I have some ideas. I haven't done a Don't Judge a Song by it's Cover in a while. But I want to write about my relationship to a different genres, how I got into New Wave, Metal, Hip Hop, Grunge, Indie, Folk... what I get from different genres. I don't know if this is going to happen or not but it's an idea I'm playing with.


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2013-03-09 13:49:18

Don't Judge a song by it's Judy.

How the hell does she keep getting a mention!

NeverHundred responds:

You got a grudge against that judge?


2013-03-15 23:48:40

I'll let you be the judge of that Judge Chandel.

NeverHundred responds:

I will be the judge of judging the young carl jung.


2013-03-16 02:49:14

Judging people can be a difficult and somewhat treacherous path to trod on. A judge must have good judgement, wait a minute, is judgement spelt with an E? Judgment? I guess I'll just have to use my best judgement and be really judgemental against... myself.

NeverHundred responds:


2013-03-18 21:21:46

Gene Wilder, my old friend. He was standing in for Judy while she was on holiday.

NeverHundred responds:

And by holiday you mean NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

This is unacceptable, it's betrayal pure and simple. I wont stand for it! Send in the warriors of virtue! And we will se what they find.


2013-03-19 05:08:17

The problem with Gene Wilder's version of the show was that the cases weren't real, and neither were the people. After investigations, it turns out that they used cardboard cutout people along with badly dubbed voiceovers. Even the cases were fictional, the stories devised by none other than Lord Ive. Madeitup. Those stories about losing 50 dollars, the girl who stole a petty ornament from her neighbour, the man that threw a chip packet in someone's garden and the woman who called another woman a stupid idiot were not real. They never happened, never could have happened, never would have happened, never should have happened. But they did.

And so, Gene came from out of the Wilderness Retirement Home to adorn the black gown and gavel and kick some serious petty-crime butt.

People thought Gene was too soft to take the role, but I guess that Gene's wilder side came to the forefront that day.

NeverHundred responds:

That stories a bit outlandish even for you, might even call it... wild!


2013-03-19 05:13:34

The warriors of virtue are on holiday too right now. Although, we can send in the warriors of virtual reality.

Arghhh, what am I thinking?

Somebody wake me up! slap me! Hack me into a thousand pieces and dump my corpse on Hackney Marshes. Force feed me a thousand marshmellows until my stomach clogs up into a giant gelatin ball. My gut instinct is not interested in learning Latin while getting even more fatin--there.

NeverHundred responds:

Oh, right... the warriors of virtue failed my high five check so I fired them... BRO!!!


2013-03-20 02:22:57

Eric Chandel stands up in the citadel with a bitter smell making the whole place inhospitable. So he has to leave, but not before heaving. He goes outside and climbs in his jeep, beeping the horn at the man who had crept in his dorm. Without warning, on this warm morning, Eric had a little something scornful for him. He flipped the bird then drove off in a hurry, heading only god knows where without money. But now it was just him and the open road, and today was sunny. Today was the day to leave Maine, and other strained love hate relationships that only caused grief and pain. And left him feeling that he'd never be the same again. But today was different, yesterday was hard, today was easy, that was the difference. Today was proliferant, Today was significant.

NeverHundred responds:

That's how it's going to be. And I'll be listening to this song... hjUyBvMT8


2013-03-20 20:58:13

What have I just listened to? I mean SRLY?!?!?!

Now I can't just turn my ears off, it felt like the song just fed itself through my eardrum and has lodged itself into my brain. 'If I could see someone who knew me or someone in uniform...' -- "ARRGGHH GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!" -- 'Excuse me Sir, there must be someone you've confused me for' -- "No! No! No! Switch it off Switch it off!!" -- 'There was a demon at the entrance, making X's on a checklist.' -- "Shitttt, I'm possessed, someone help me!! Get these demons out of my head, Arrrggghhh!!"

(Updated ) NeverHundred responds:

It's intense stuff right, like a drug's been injected right into your brain eh? Right? RIGHT!!! Do you remember that NIETZLAWE?? Do you remember when you did that Nietzy? Huh? ...HUH?!?! Right into my motherfuckiong brainstem! I was shaking, I went into a seizure that accompanied the most vivid and horrifying hallucinations I've ever experienced in my wildest of rockstar drug binges. Well, it's pay back time now pally, pay back, BIG TIME!!!



2013-03-21 08:08:59

It's like I've been Punk'd and Spunke'd upon, in this motherfuckin' spunk-a-thon,
Maybe it's the drugs I'm on, yeah that's right... I'm on none,
Actually I'm high on one, it's called real life.'

I fear my brain may never return to normality. Not that it was ever set to the 'normality' switch in the first place. Nope, this brain is beyond repair, there is only one way out now, and that is sui... other comfortable alternative methods.

Actually it's all coming back to me, the drug binges we had, the brief stints in Nine Inch Nails, the doubloons we wasted on seeing da' balloons. I think that we had too many drugs that evening, too many, it's what caused the seizures, the hallucifernations were unbelievably terrifying. That's the last time I start up a new band.

Five minutes later.

Hey, wanna start up a new band, we're called 999MB, but at the minute, we're having a lot of trouble finding a Gig.

NeverHundred responds:

It's because that stupid clown rap group keeps stealing our gigs? You just mentioned them, Da' Balloons. Let's waste their asses! I'm on this like jizz on a porn star.


2013-03-21 08:25:29

In other news.

Gene is making a new documentary called A Little Walk on the Wilder Side. It was either that, or The Gene Pool.

Don't even get me started on his new film Mr. Congeneiality.

NeverHundred responds:

I don't watch the screen monkeys.


2013-03-22 03:15:37

Modern film is not my scene either.

Shit it was my scene, I was supposed to be in that one!! Oh great, now they have found an extra to take my role. That'll teach me to take coffee breaks too often.

And I don't even drink coffee. So what the hell have I been drinking for the last 6 minutes?

Dear God noo! Arsenic jui.....ckkckkkkkkaargghhgarggglegargle.

We are here today to pay our last respects to Ryan W Alker. You will always be remembered and sorely missed.

"Right guys, we've got that over with, let's share out all of his possessions."

Ryan speaking from beyond the grave: "You bastards, you waited until I was dead before cashing in all my chips. Well I guess I know who my friends are. But late now though, I'm a ghost, a wandering ghost, capable of doing mean-spirited things."

With the emphasis on spirited.

NeverHundred responds:

I stopped doing things too. Everyone's a ghost... but I feel like more.


2013-03-22 21:54:33

They say that every person has a ghost inside them. I don't believe it personally, but the ghost inside me does.

NeverHundred responds:

Does your ghost ever have an existential crisis?


2013-03-22 22:55:53

Now, time for some music:

(Updated ) NeverHundred responds:

That tune's old enough to be funky fresh.


2013-03-23 00:36:58

My ghost seems to suffer from a non-existential crisis.

NeverHundred responds:

Hungry ghosts...


2013-03-24 00:16:19

Hungry ghosts from Hungary watching porn on thehun while downloading games on gree.


2013-03-24 05:29:57

Now do you agree to watch the tv se, ries Glee, on repeat for the seventy ye, ars?

NeverHundred responds:

You're high Nietzlawe, go out.


2013-03-25 12:10:27

High on this high beam, holy shit, how the hell did I get up here? How the hell am I going to get down.

I'm speaking figuratively.

NeverHundred responds:

I told you, GO OUT! If you're going to be high you're going outside.


2013-03-26 11:07:42

The outsider that drinks cider outside, by the side of the road.

(Updated ) NeverHundred responds:

Sounds like a hard life... drinking hard cider.


2013-03-27 18:24:56

Hard times drinking cider, while high. But now I'm drinking a new cider, it's called Highder, and I drank some in Idaho.

A lot of things happen in Idaho. But Idunno why.

NeverHundred responds:

Because space is the place. For sloths!


2013-03-27 22:12:24

Where is Stickman91? Sitting on the sidelines like a football coach? Watching? Waiting? Masturbating? Procrastinating? Or maybe he is pro crastinating, which means he fully advocates crastination in all it's forms. Or maybe he was castrated as a castrato by Fidel Castro by having his nuts burned off with castor oil for his infidelity.


NeverHundred responds:

Maybe he went to school and instead of spending time on the internet he actually focused on his studies. A bizarre strategy... I doubt it could possibly work.