I'm reading books, books, books, books and books. I have a list of books to read, I have read only one. It was exceptional.
I try to explain how insanity sets in. Ever had that problem were no one believes that you're going crazy? I try to tell them, "Hello, I think I'm losing my mind." But they just laugh and say, "No way, you're perfectly sane." I nail in the point though, "No I'm pretty sure I'm crazy." They shrug it off, "Nah, that's just crazy talk."
...let's talk about books again. Here is my list so far. Make sure to give a few suggestions, make a few recommendations.
Midnight's Children by Salman Rushdie.
The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood.
Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides.
Two Journeys by Clemens P. Suter
American Gods by Neil Gaiman
The Colossus of New York Colson Whitehead
the Raw Shark Texts by Steven Hall
The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini
Herzog by Saul Bellow
Tweak by Nic Sheff
V. by Thomas Pynchon
Parasite Eve by Hideaki Sena
Stonehenge Gate by Jack Williamson
One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner
Ulysses by James Joyce
A Long Way Gone: Memoirs of a Boy Soldier by Ishmael Beah
Delerium by Lauren Oliver
Generation X by Douglas Coupland
The Wish by Vladimir Nabokov
Vain by Drew
Oblomov by Ivan Goncharov
Challenge Accepted:
Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell by Susanna Clarke
Mission Completed:
Life of Pi by Yann Martel
An interesting story. It's about faith, survival and a tiger named Richard Parker. I liked it.
So Stickman says he prefers instrumentals. So I thought of this, what are my favorite instrumentals? Well, I like music and for musics sake. Sure good lyrics can enhance a song, but without lyrics what do you have? Usually for me I like my instrumental music to emphasize feelings that cannot or don't need to be put into words. Oddly it's not something I focus on when I make music... which is why I feel the need to add lyrics even though I'm not much of a writer.
Anyway here are a few songs that I like that lack any lyrics. I'll arrange them shortest to longest.
Shut up, this has turned into some long rambling... THING! This is my master plan, and I will not let this turn out like last time... so many bees, so many stingers.
"An over dramatic and theatrical hostage situation?"
It's a picture of Mr. Squeaky's puppet family, they're tied to a fire cracker. which is tied to the rail road tracks with an oncoming train, the train is tied to a nuclear bomb, which is tied to a giant killer robot... WITH DOOM LASERS!! Squeaky cries,
That the people who primarily read my newgrounds posts are usually online around the weekend. And I find it most difficult to get online at this time, especially onto newgrounds. So I'm going to sleep on this... for forty days. And than I'll rock and roll all night.
Listen to some Sufjan Steven, he cries a lot. But he doesn't whine like an emo. So it could be worse.
I am fascinated by this. How can a person sing about their emotions and not come off as a pretentious little bitch. I have decided the secret is that he comes off as sincere. That he carefully crafts his lyrics so that you feel like what he's crying about is important. For instance Casimir Pulaski Day, it's a song about a girl the narrator knew that had terminal cancer. Sure that's typically somthing to cry about, but if you go to the internet and post about your dying friend don't expect any sympathy. People don't know your friend, they don't have anything emotionally invested in the outcome of your friends disease.
How does Sufjan get away with it. Easy, he chooses music that actually suggests the emotion he wants to convey, not generic power chords, not silly little synth lines. He doesn't whine about his needs and his problems, no the song is as much about other people as it is himself. And he explains his relationship in specifics, crafting a real story. And as you listen to it, it invites you into this world, into this situation. I listen to My Chemical Romance or Linkin Park and I just don't get it. What's the big deal. And it isn't about being misunderstood... although that's a bad move typically, if you're misunderstood how can I understand what your problem is. And if I don't understand how can I care. But another one that's done wrong is break up songs. Sure breaking up can be terrible, but it's not the end of the world. Explain to me what was so important about this one, about this time. If you're just complaining than I don't care.
Emotions aren't the enemy. It's the portrayal, they need to be presented in a way that shows respect to the listeners. If they aren't presented well than there is nothing to invest. Or the narrator comes off as a tool/egocentric/penis.
Everyone loves Cake. The band that is... are they a lie? Well, I was once going to go to one of there concerts and they canceled it. So I guess they probably are. Regardless, they write quite a few songs about relationship pitfalls and yet they somehow manage to not come off as douche bags. It's Coming Down is an excellent example. The narrator is not singing about himself he never says "I" or "me" once in the entire song. It's in third person, and the music carries the emotion not some vocalists whiny ass voice. The singer from cake actually projects an objective tone when he sings. The emotion he portrays is subtle and not overly dramatic. A clever move in my opinion.
Let's not forget that this is an all around fun place. LOL, see that, that represents laughter... Laughter so powerful that it is expressed loudly, clearly with an over powering exuberance. This isn't about anxiety or fear. Unease if you please, be a tease and freeze. I was frozen today! But I got better. Let's not forget about the blogs lost, there were many from the distant past. Let's have a picture of myself at the end of this post. The fan boys(I'd also mention fan girls but let's be realistic, their are no girls on the internet) demand their fap material.
Decadence and sensual tendencies is that what this little world I've worked to hard to build has become. Well I never! Take pains to constrain your over powering animal lusts internet. Is it society that is consumed by such hedonism, or is it just the impact that voyeuristic entertainment has created. Media they call it, the internet takes it further still and sometimes it makes me sick. And sometimes it makes me a little bit horny... and it's not helped by a lack of accessible intimate options. Which has only dwindled in the years as I've felt more and more detached from humanity. And yet I want to feel love... in a pure sense not just the depravity that may exist in my darker urges. At least my perversions are harmless enough. At least my imagination is strong from years of flexing and exercising.
In a way all my sexual needs are fulfilled in a masturbatory setting. This is why sex seems almost trivial to me. But that intimate connection, the recreation of that through imagination would take an all consuming fracture of reality. And that may work for some, but isn't it a bit... hallow. You know what makes intimacy matter? It's sharing that personal part of you with someone. And on the internet I get pretty personal, maybe a little too personal in some cases. Not in a private chat setting. I mean read through my posts, even after the big sweep much of my fears and insecurities are shared with a world that I barely even know.
For instance anyone who has read through my posts is probably well aware of my deathly fear of horses. By golly do those things creep the fuck out of me. A horse could rip your face off in less than 2.5 seconds if it wanted to... at least that's what I think of when I think of horses. None of these My Little Mutated Ponies, no... they're man eaters at heart. what does this have to do with the inner most realm of existence? The id, were fears, desires and urges converge into a hot sticky mess of jizz, carnal fluids, sweat, chemicals and hormones. What is it that makes humans more than this, and what is it that makes humans long for this.
Try using a Kleenex next time. It's soft on the sensitive skin.
I dream. And hidden away behind the doors of mind and matter are the lost ideas, remembered only in desperate times. A Panda takes my picture. I smile for the lense. When they return I see the blood dripping from their hands, from everyones hands. pooling down and carelessly drowning the innoscent. The ones who have been shoved into the pit called poverty.They say that jesus is a poor mans god, that must be why the rich paster's want to fleece their followers of every last penny. And why would the God who wished to protect and serve the poor be on the side of the richest nations on earth?
The minimum wage is going to plummet soon, in some ways it already has. I see politicians cutting the wages of many of their fellow public servants, the teachers, mail carriers, road workers and everyone else who actually does any real work... all the while the beuricrats keep their yearly allowances untouched. Of course they need that money for all the work they're doing and what do they do? They argue and debate about the most useless laws. They get payed to bicker and nitpick and then to decide what they best way to screw the rest of the country would be.
I'm not saying that democrats are intelligent or hard working but at least a few of them aren't corporate cronies. The only thing worse than a politician is a CEO. I suppose that this isn't anything new but corporations don't only care about money, they also want to expand their political power. Recently it has become increasingly obvious, perhaps partly because of the internet. Or maybe they believe the population is too dumb to notice. I'm not much of a rebel these days and believe me, I complain less now then I used to. Mainly because I don't see the point of stating the obvious anymore.
Why read the madness I write when you could listen to it? I'm about to post some new songs. On has lyrics, the final line is, "gonna have to tell myself." You'll have to figure out the rest on your own.
Haven't been online for a few days. It's been a busy couple of months. My chakras are ablaze creating dangerous levels of creative radiation that will mutate docile ideas into horrific monstrosities if the situation reaches critical meltdown.
Look at the crazy mother fucker. Know who that is? No? that's okay...
Alright what the fuck am I supposed to say about this? What can I say? I know, the song isn't popular here, but I don't care if it is. I'm just going to roll with the punches and pretend like I'm awesome. It's the only thing I know how to do. It's all I've got man. All that's left.
So Live it up. Because without me, where would you be? Sitting at home on your computer reading some other losers blog post, that's where. You'd be looking at some other poor saps badly edited, badly played musical performance. It changes nothing. So get used to it, this is what society is now.
This morning my thoughts went back in time. Back to my Senior year in high school. One of the most awkward times of my life. 2006, I was just beginning to come out of my shell and had all the social grace as Duncan the drunkin' spalunkin' baboon. I also was very naive, and not very perceptive. I'm still this way in many respects. So on the day in question I'm sitting with some stoner kids. About four guys and well acquainted with the cannibus and this German chick. I don't know if she was an exchange student or what the story was but all I knew was she was the german chick. No idea why I was hanging out with these people, I sort of knew a few of them but after high school I did not hang out with any of them and before that year I may have only known one or two of them.
Now I'm not quick in person, not witty and I wish I was. I'm a writer in many respects. When I wish to communicate I do it best with letters than with speech. I also never played spin the bottle. It's not something I think about, also I've become so much less interested in sex in recent years. I'm very reserved some might even say repressed. And this has also been the case so sex is not something I think about, at least not as much as other guys. So when I was bored, with no one talking and with nothing better to do I spun an empty bottle just because. And the guys looked at me with WTF eyes. I didn't even notice, wasn't paying attention to them, I had my shiny spinning bottle to observe. "Dude," One of them announced. "When there are five guys and one girl we do not play spin the bottle." I didn't even understand what he was talking about at the time. I didn't even remember the stories of this game from when I was younger. I was never really big into T.V. or Movies either so I really saw the cultural references about this game. So at first I was confused. But while the other guys where snickering or gawking with homophobic terror, it eventually came to me. And than I just blushed and shuffled away.
But thinking back I think I should have played up this whole event. I should have made fun of myself and the rest of them and had a good laugh. I'm not sure I could have, even now. I'm still extremely insecure and my wit has always been I think would have been most entertaining.
Just sitting there through lunch, on the floor because I'm hanging with the rebels. But they're not in a talking mood, probably skipped last class to go get high in the woods out behind the groundskeepers shed. I finished my MinuteMade Lemonade. I'm playing with the bottle, flipping it in the air, I decide to spin it and do so. Sean looks a little nervous and says, "Dude, when there are five guys and one girl we do not play spin the bottle." I recognize the reference from some stupid sit com that I had saw the night before. I hate watching sit coms but for whatever reason in this timeline I happened to switch the T.V. on that night. Sure it wasn't immediately in mind but it came back when I heard the name of the game and realized that spinning a bottle is a part of a kissing game. But I'm not going to be humiliated like this, not so awkwardly no. I decide to clarify things. "I'm sorry, but I've never played that game and I don't typically have making out with men in my mind all day. But I understand, everyone of you guys wants to feel the soft touch of my lips against your skin. I mean how could you not. you all see them plump and naturally red. But no, you will never get to enjoy that pleasure. I'm sorry, it's just not a fantasy you can live out. Because you all probably taste like bud and bong water, that's why." The men are all taken aback, some of them laugh nervously but I'm grinning madly.
The one girl on the other hand, she's looked at me almost for the first time. I've actually spoken up for myself, made light of the situation and came off as confident, charismatic and casual. Also she notices something else, that my lips really are as I said, very kissable. And without me even realizing it she leans over and gives me an innocent peck, nothing more. But I'm surprised... but it doesn't break me from my high. I turn to the guys, "See, what have we learned today. Flirting with men is the quickest way to win over a girls affection." And they just look at me, tired off this bullshit. And I turn to the girl, she's appalled that I just used her for the punchline of my joke. The group all get up and leave me there. I stand up a little heartbroken, and a bit discouraged. "Wait, guys... guys where are you going? Was it something I said?"
"No, it was nothing you said." The girl turned around and responded, "It was something you could have said. After all, this never happened. This is what could have happened, what you imagined might have happened. And it's stupid, don't say stupid things. If you say nothing we assume your an idiot, but if you speak up you're only going to prove it." And than I think to myself, I'm really bad at fantasizing.
That's what pilots do. And today I wish I was a pilot because I've fallen in love with the sky. I looked at it and it was beautiful, and everything was beautiful. Today is majestic, today is the best day ever and I don't know why. It has taken hold of me, it has drawn me out, it pulls on me, I cannot stay inside for long.
