Supposedly I wrote a hundred cock jokes. But technically it was half of those. It was filled with really offensive jokes and even non-humor. Some of the jokes that could be considered jokes included. Joke number three: She's so easy I could fornicate with her with my dick tied behind my back. Joke number sixteen: does this erection make me look fat? Joke number eighteen: Girls keep complaining that I don't know where the cliterus is, but they can never seem to find my erection. Joke number thirty-five: An asshole, a penis and a scrotum walks into a bar. No wait, that's just the cast from the Jersey Shore. Nevermind. Sometimes I cheated and had one number be a lead in and the next the punchline like numbers thirty nine and number forty,
39: I don't even know what a penis is...
40: It's the planet that's right behind Uranus.
So I started running out of ideas, most of these were what came immediately to mind. Number nineteen is just "Oh god, not agian. Oh please, just... no... NO... WHHYYYYYY!!!"
number thirty-four mentions that I'm running out of ideas, "I think I'm running out of jokes. To think I only lasted a half a minute... no wait, nevermind it's back up again."

It starts getting really strange past the half way point, numbers fifty two and fifty three, "Penises much like women, don't have penises. But imagine if they did!" and fifty three responds, "But how would they masturbate?"
Much of the sixties reference Ke$ha. After that it starts getting really horrifying as I begin to make the most offensive jokes I could think of, and immediately apologize for them... which from a sense of humor side of things makes things worse because it's just boxed as a part of the joke. number eighty-two "We didn't tell any big black cock jokes." Yeah, things got pretty racist. Then I give a history lesson about the civil rights movement and how important it is to me... Actually the first black cock joke was like, "A black man had a really big penis and all the ladies loved him because of it." But there are worse jokes. joke number ninety nine, "You know what will cheer us up. A good old joke, one that isn't rooted in racial stereotypes." The one hundredth cock joke, "Knock knock "Who's there?" Penis!"

It was horrifying, but at times... almost funny? Maybe looking back I laughed a bit. It's sad that this was one of the most creative and clever things I've ever written, and these days I wish I was as witty as I was... even if it wasn't that impressive, it's better then anything I've written lately. Kind of sad isn't it? Oh well, I was never meant to be a writer or a lyricist so I'm not too broken up at my atrophying wordplay skills.

what... I'm sleeping this weekend. All weekend long!

Where is My Mind, by The Pixies. Another band with a female bassist. I want a video with some dog running around playfully, lets do that.

Black Francis, how many drugs was this song about? "this very small fish trying to chase me. I don't know why - I don't know too much about fish behavior." I'll take that to mean all of them.

Lyrically what the hell is going on here? It sounds like it's about some crazy trip. It's probably about scuba diving or something though. That would be silly. Musically we have an alternative, grunge, post punk sounding rock song. You probably associate it with the nineties even though the album it was on was released in the late eighties.

everything about this song makes me think nineties. The acoustic sounding jangle guitar chords, the fact that the guitar solo, although a nice touch is only about ten seconds long. The cryptic lyrics, the echo filtered vocals all together make for a solid track. It's memorable, even if you don't know where your mind is.

So who covered it? Lot's of people, but I want to bring our attention to those who have been Trampled by Turtles.

Since both songs seem to start with the acoustic sounding guitar bit does that mean they're going to be the same? Nope, not really. Okay I can't say that this version does anything to extensive compositionally. All they do is a genre switch. Make it a folky song. But hell if it doesn't work. It's hard to say if this version is better then the original, is it an improvement? Does it change enough for it to matter? I think the folk genre fits the song every bit as well, sometimes it feels like the song was meant to be a folk song rather then a gloomy post punk college rock anthem. So I'd say the cover wins out in this episode.

Next time I think I'll do a Pink Floyd cover.

Dragons, sloths, blinding their faces and adding them to the greylist.

Anyone see this coming?

I was accepted to NESCom, hell yeah, gonna get a bachelor's in sound engineering. Who needs a girlfriend when you've got a career. That's why they call it a bachelor's degree, am I right? Honestly if I had to choose, I'd pick the girlfriend but... they don't understand me and my audiophilia. Anyway, I showed up to my interview a month early. They let me poke my nose around the schools equipment any way. It seemed legit, and most definitely not made of card board, which I found impressive. Much better then the shit I use, listen to my music and you'll know it's true. Check out my latest, it's a cover of Creep. I sang the fuck off of it, like the flesh sheered off the bones of my enemies. You don't want to be one of my enemies do you? Nah, just kidding, I don't make enemies... I build them.

Nietzlawe has wandered off into the woods and never returned. Sinitech Blindly stumbled off a cliff. Jackho is trapped within a final fantasy and Stickman91 is deeply hypnotized by red meat...

Who's left to like my new Radiohead cover? Who's going to notice the new song I'm planning on uploading sometime next week? I need a more devoted fan base... basically. Maybe I should take up the bass. I need a solution, a base solution. I'm not giving up on the base puns yet, even if you lock me in the basement.

Another "Don't Judge a Song by it's Cover" episode, and today we have a very special Radiohead edition. Creeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeep

I'm no Radiohead fan, but when I am I prefer there Pablo Honey album and the early nineties era for the band. Kind of strange since I'm a fan of space weirdass stuff. Actually Hail to The Thief was alright... wait, was that them or was that... fuck it, I don't care. So Radiohead accidentally made a grunge song and was pissed about it afterward. In Tom Yorkes own words he says this song is the bands least favorite. And I can see why, other then the fact it couldn't have come out at a worse time, it was swept under the rug as a Nirvana grunge knock off. And no one wants to be compared to Nirvana. Would you? Didn't think so.

Lyrically, it's pathetic... I mean it's all well and good, but the narrator comes off as a simpering little asspussy. "Oh, you're so special! Oh, I'll never be special, I'm just a creep, I'm just a weirdo!" Well, no wonder she's not impressed with you kiddo. If you were a little more confident and secure with yourself maybe you'd be able to tap that, get a little something-something. The music side is compositionally simple. It's just the chord progression, G, B, C, C minor. They do a lot with it, they'd have to in order to make the song listenable. but still... it's far from the avant garde aims that they had ten years later.

Yeah, it's pretty good though.

And who would be mad enough to cover this song? Just about anyone. Including me.

So let's see, I'm comparing the original to my cover? Oh, that's easy. I win. I always win. My vocal performance is flawless, I turned this trainwreck into the greatest most horrifyingly death defying death death death terrible cover ever. And I want a cookie for it, I want all the cookies. Because I'm a fat mutherfucking dick monkey and you can all swear to it. That's what being a musician is all about. I'm more then a musician, I'm an Artists! I'm just like Tom Yorke, and that means no matter what I do it's the best damn thing ever. And that's why I'm a creep.

So there you have it. Tune in next week, I'm going to talk about the cover to Stairway to Heaven that was performed by a drunken chimpanzee on acid... also known as Tom Yorke. Goodnight everybody.

Okay so I've been putting this off. like my last several cover comperasons this one involves a new wave band, but this time I'm switching it around and this time the original is from the seventies and the new wave band is the one covering it! WHHAAAAAAAAT!?!?! Yeah, you all saw this coming didn't you.

It's Ziggy. The guitar chords, progression and rifts in this song are out of sight. Over all it's all right. The only thing in this song I can say I hate is Henry, I hate that guy. Don't lean on me man, you ain't got time to check it. This song is high energy, It's David Bowie, off the Ziggy Stardust album, of course it's good. Is it the best song off the album? Well, I don't know... something's got to tip the scales, what do you got for me Suffragette City? WHAM BAM THANK YOU MAIM!!!

... SOLD!!!

Alright this is going to be awesome. Frankie Goes to Hollywood is actually one of my favorite eighties bands. Two Tribes, Relax, Welcome to the Pleasuredome. I love eighties new wave bands and Frankie is one of the best examples of the genre, the band has a real punk attitude.

Nope, doesn't work. It's just a weak cover. The rift is flimsy and weak... can I fault a band for using synthisizors when I myself program the majority of my own songs. Maybe not... but let's hear the vocals, they're not excited about having been to suffragette city at all! And what is with the WHAM BAM THANK YOU MAIM!!! They might as well have mumbled, "eh meh, whatever maim." No, you can't get bonus points for saying it a second time guys! Which one of you is Frankie anyway?

Well, the original is better in this case. Oh well... better luck next time Frankie, maybe I'll find someone who covered Two Tribes or Relax.

So last weekend went like this. A friend cut me out of my life, and my heart filled with joy. A girl said she loved me and I cried, I felt terribly depressed. Were the fuck do I begin? Well, those two events were sort of related. Than there was another huge thing that happened in between those two events. I'm twenty-four, I should have the fairer sex figured out by now. But I only got kissed for the first time this weekend. And it wasn't by the girl who I had a falling out with, or the one who told me she loved me. No, it was someone else entirely. I like her, and there was a connection, but still... I just know it's going to fall a part. I mean it doesn't help that another girl who I've known for years suddenly chose the very next day to tell me that they love me. Now I'm stuck in the middle, the girl who I just met but I actually have some sort of chemistry with and the girl who has been there for so long and I feel like I owe her so much. But what about the other girl, the one I neither had chemistry with and all the history we shared was a toxic mess... well, she was leaving for a city real close to where the girl I've known for years lived. She was my ticket to meet the girl I've always wanted to see in real life. But since she's gone than that dreams gone with her.

So all I've got is a shot with a girl I just barely know, who... despite hitting it off with, I might not be able to sustain this relationship. I feel guilty because months ago I promised the girl who lives far away, but has been close to my heart for years that I'd go out and see her... and I can't. And so I meet someone new, and I feel like I might have actually found something great... but it's ruined by three words written by someone else, "I love you" would you believe I cried? Yeah, well... I cry every once in a while. It happens, and it happened when I read those words. Because I never thought it would work with the girl who lived across the country, I care about her but it's too big a risk. And now I might break her heart and I don't want that.

...And I don't even know what I have with this new girl will last. We kissed, big deal... we talked and we were on the same wavelength, it's amazing... but I've fallen in love like this before, and it doesn't end well. I'm too clingy and insecure... at the same time, when my ego is wounded and I feel like my pride is in danger, suddenly I become confused. I get into this pull push mode that makes me out to be erratic and unstable. And then just like that, I've scared another girl off... but by the time it's over, I don't even care anymore. I guess that's what's great about the girl I've known for years, even though I've never met her. She knows how crazy I am, but she still puts up with me. Maybe she wouldn't be so forgiving if I lived near-by, maybe it's for the best that I keep my distance. But I really don't what the best thing to do is...

Here's an unrelated video... Or is it?

Oh shit, this new wave band did a cover of David Bowie's Suffragette City? I've done a lot of reviews of what happens when nineties nu-metal bands cover new wave songs, but what happens when I do a comparison of a new wave band covering a David Bowie song... looks like in a week or so we might find out.

I was listening to some Nerdcore Rap, and came across this rapper. She's pretty good.

Alright. That's all I've got to say. Also I was in a car accident. No big deal.