My pictures are all gone. Oh gee, probably about time to make new ones anyway. But my brother can't help photoshop them to awesomeness... being dead and all.

Red Esign is looking pretty good though, I can't complain. I wish I could, I want to. Being the crotchety old coot like I am. Also I've been in a foul mood... while all the chickens are in a fowl mood. Nah, can't blame that on a new newgrounds. I've been on edge my entire life, and shits been pretty real over the past several months. Might be homeless before long, might be in school... might be on a cross country road trip. I don't fucking know mans!

I can't make music because my laptop charger is missing, and that means I can't access my programs, and that means... I probably just need to think up an alternate way of producing music. It would be easier if the band was back together. What do ya say NIETZRYANLAWEWALKER? He's the Law Walker... walking the fine line of the law.

On myself... and anyone else who didn't like my newest track. I'm going to talk a bit about how to cover a new wave song. Alright?

Here is a classic song that has been covered time and time again by many other musicians. Caya and Netwerk heard the synthisizers and just went ahead with making sub-techno dance covers while The Quakes turn it into a punk rock song.

So heres the original by Real Life.

It's pretty tame, but still pretty interesting. Still has a bit of bite to it, but as far as New Wave goes... a lot of New Wave despite rellying heavily on synthisizers and dance aesthetics New Wave is a genre that has it's roots it the Punk world and early New Wave is the foundation to the whole Goth sub-culture. I typically love this kind of music. In this case, lyrically... yeah it's not that deep, nothing special. Musicially it's catchy, they even through in a little guitar solo. I can get behind that. The synthisizers are interesting sounding and I always loved the eighties synth sound.

Now for the cover, I actually heard this cover before i ever heard the song. It's not Caya or The Quakes... and there have been recent covers by bands like Thrice and Deadstar Assembly, haven't really listened to them. No, the one that comes to mind for me is from a little known Euro-Industrial band called Zeromancer. On there album Eurotrash they had a number of songs I kind of liked when I was an angsty teenager, and now as an angsty young adult in his mid twenties, well... i found the album sitting at the pile of CDs the other day and kind of been listening to it with perplexity. Not bad, but... eh... but I have to say, I do like the direction they went with this song.

So the original did lend itself to something heavier. Zeromancer just went into that direction, I'm sure Deadstar Assembly went further... just basing that on the name. But this band did it first and they did it well. It's still got a lot of synth, and I like the voicings they used. But the guitar cords and hooks add more of a depth... the vocalist did well, I like the call back in the song and I have to say... I like it a little bit better than the original.

Here's the music:

But i guess most of you aren't that impressed with New Wave music, it must be easy to improve on one of these bleep bleep songs, with there pathetic old technology and dismal synth melodies. Well, that's a matter of taste isn't it. And sometimes it's difficult to understand what if something tastes good or bad, for instance Candyass... is it going to be sweet like candy, or is it just going to taste like ass. After listening to Orgies album Candyass, I'll have to put my vote toward the former. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

The song Blue Monday was originally created by the band The New Order, a synth based New Wave band. They once where more of a punk outfit back when they were known as Joy Devision, than there frontman hung himself... this was about fifteen years before Kurt Cobain committed suicide. What can i say, Ian Curtis was just ahead of his time.

So what was left of the band split, but than regrouped under a different name. They wrote many songs, many of them, though differant from what they created when they were Joy Division were pretty good. But there is one song that I find particularly amazing by them, and that song is Blue Monday.

This entire song is just perfection. The way it opens, that drumline, the heaviness of it, rhythmically it just makes the right hits. The synthisizers, the bassline, the wet sounding guitar rift. I wish i put this much effort into my music, and anyone who listens to my stuff can probably hear the influence that this kind of music has had on me.

And beyond the music, the lyrics are really great. The disillusionment of the relationship, how the singer has been completely gutted, hurt and destroyed by the relationship they're in. They put effort into both the music and the lyrics and it shows.

Alright, but what was I saying about Candyass? oh right, Orgy is a band. They call themselves Noise Pop, or some other silly made up genre. They're terrible.

But what happens when a terrible band covers an amazing song, well, other than ruining it. Actually, in this case they really didn't. Musically it holds up, the guitar is actually pretty good, it's heavy... Orgy's cover of Blue Monday manages to do the same thing that Zeromancers cover of Send Me An Angel did. In fact this song is the only reason I bought this album. I guess the album lives up to it's name, this song was the candy in this ass of an album.

Alright so that's what i have to say about music covers. Not really planning on making another comparison review type of post. I think last time was actually on The Killers covering a Joy Devision song... LINK!

It's vacation time, and the vacation is almost over. I've been good, I've been social, I've been trying to make an effort. I've gone to live performances, watched the bands play their music. I've hung out with old and new friends alike, out there... in the real world. I've applied to school, NESCOM, the New England School of Communications, seems like the most reasonable place for me. It's just up the coast, and I can major in Audio Engineering. I might go to the Art University of Austin, but I'm not so sure about that. I could also major in Sound Engineering there, but it's half way across the country.

I was at The Bomb Shelter on New Years. That's the place to be every New Year, just in case. So i went back last weekend saw some bands play live. It was awesome. Check out my new song and buy my new record.

not perfect, but it's the best take I have.

Another one! Hilarious bloopers!

I found a flash drive, might be able to use it to quickly work with my laptop that can record and my laptop that can mix at the same time. Could I have new songs completed in the near future? Will I get accepted into The New England School of Communications and major in Audio Engineering? Given how shitty the audio quality in these vidoes and in my songs in general is you better hope so.

%u2714
Does it really work?

no.

What was that all about? Not much, I was trying to put up what should have been a check mark. Much like many of my text experiments this was a failure. As well is my very existence! Enough about me, let's sell out already!

William Shatner, Henry Rollins and TISM will handle it for me. Just found this album and instantly thought of an old favorite band called TISM. What I love about the Has Been album is the same reason I loved TISM, the middle aged proto old crockety mid-life crisis rantings and raging that musically come off almost as caustic as punk music... except a bit more conservative, less fist pumping more fist waving.

Here's a song with Shatner and Rollins, well... Rollins is no big deal we all know that he's a compact ball of rage so he's not surprising anyone. Hell, if anything he seems less angry than I've seen him on this track.

Here's a TISM song. big Fucking Whoopie. "The Internet: More crap at your fingertips than on them." And I love the five minute long rant at the end.

This song is a perfect example of what the older generation sees when they look at the youngins. Sure William Shatner could just be ranting about how he's only famous for his classic role in Star Trek and now what does he have? Well, other than that great show Boston Legal... which has been off the air for a while now actually. But the point is this anger is directed toward the young punks who think they're better than the older folks but they've yet to do RATS with their lives.

This song is great. What I love about TISM is how Anti-Punk they are. It's like they're rebelling against the rebellion. And this is the song that explains why and how they are right. Kids these days are all flash no substance, they don't even know what they're fighting for and what they're fighting against. I love the lines, "Rebellions not been tried before, we're the first in history if not I wasn't there. There was some sort of thing in France my teacher once did speak. It can't have ever come to much and I skipped school that week." The message is clear, how can you say you're going to improve a system if you don't know what's wrong with it. If you just throw out the old you'll never make any progress.

And there are other songs and poems to do with the existential angst that comes with getting older. Pining for what's lost and the disappointment of settling for a life that's not at all what we had hoped for.
We have Shatner lementing on when he believed that he'd be more than great... that he'd actually one day be happy. The point is this is what we all have to look forward to, in one way or another. It's not going to be. Even if you get everything you ever thought you wanted it's not going to be enough. All the money, all the fame, all the glory and... you may never be happy.

Of course if you were to find contentment it'll never be enough. Life becomes a dull disappointment either way. This little poetic bit by TISM explores the other end of the spectrum. But both pieces show us it's not tragedy that beats you down but that missing piece that you can never ever truly find. That emptiness that brings peace that no man or woman will ever be able to hold on to.

And finally we get to the root of the problem. What the kids never seem to realize, but we're all going to face it someday.
Shatner basically says live it to the fullest. You can't expect anything else to happen. The song sounds both macabre and hopeful. What it is, is just a matter of fact statement.

And an old favorite. I think I've featured this song before. It's a good one... another song about growing old and missing what we can never have back.
While the last song is some good advice this one mourns the loss of youth and innocence. And it points out the grim truth that looms ominously in every persons future, within the next forty years give or take a couple decades death is waiting.

What's the point of sharing these songs? Well... I find them interesting. We hear songs of heartache, dispear, desperation and depression from kids in their late teens and in their twenties... we hear songs of anger, frustration and rebellion from the same lot. But can we relate to those problems? Do they really have the right to be so mournful over a break up or so angry because their wifi connection isn't working or whatever. The real heartfelt anger and desperity comes when you're in your late thirties, your forties and your fifties. Struggling with the fact that you're only human, that your life may not be over but it's end is coming fast and all the while you're becoming obsolete. Your gonads will soon be sterile if they aren't yet. Did you commit genetic suicide? Well, in that case you'll realize that after you're gone their wont be anyone to continue your lineage. Or did you have put up with obnoxious children and ignorant teens the better part of a decade and a half, or longer! And you got very little appreciation, and they'll forget you when your gone. Even if they don't in five or six generations you'll be wiped from the memory of time. Death is coming fast, your body becomes frail and you start feeling like you're becoming useless. Loved ones have drifted apart, maybe you're lucky and you've got a special someone. Maybe you still have a few friendships... it's not easy to meet new people or make new friends as you get older. Everything becomes harder. And all you can seem to do is lay back and take it.

That's genuine anger, sincere hopelessness. Loneliness, ennui, discouragement and regret... a fuck load of regret. For the things you've done, for the things you haven't done. Things you were too stupid not to say, things you were to afraid to say. All you have are your memories and the bad ones burn brighter than the good ones. No one ever thinks, "Things could have been worse." They always longingly wonder, "What if things had been better?"

Talked to a person using "video" chat for the first time. That was interesting... maybe, sort of. Except the part where I suck at talking to people in face to face reality and I guess that transmutes over to video chat too. Also they went into it expecting I was going to be some sort of super genius apparently. I'm not... I'm only three points above average intelligence. Not exactly Mensa material.

It's nearly Dead Bird on the Table Day, everything is closed. It's snowed, I shoveled the snow despite the heat. I did so without a shirt on because it was boiling out. No joke, probably could have let it melt... but it was hanging on like Jack Stickman Frost had reinforced it with super powers of insolvablilty... just like the puzzles he puts up on his profile.

Have I been working on music? Yes. Do I feel the music I've created is up to par? No. So I don't think we'll see much in the way of music uploads for a while. I'm truly sorry for this. And I know people are sick of my posts about relationship drama and the confusion and frustration with this thing I believe to be love.

So I'll say one more thing about it. I went and met the girl last week. I was awkward, nervous and although she didn't seem to mind too much I'm afraid I may not have left the best impression. But she seemed to agree to meet this weekend. But we only really talked about it on Friday and Saturday and I haven't heard from her since. I'm sure she's just busy with her inlaws and the holiday and all sorts of other things... but I'm slightly worried is all. Alright, I'll just push those thoughts out of my mind though. She said she'd meet me outside the Shere Punjab restaurant at some point on Saturday and she hasn't said that she's changed her mind.

I just wish I knew the exact time she's planning on being there. We never really got to that part. I'm not ready to send her a message just yet about that though. Maybe on Friday I will, or later tomorrow night I'll try and catch her online. Although, she hasn't been on in a while.

She's not the only girl I have on my mind... although don't get me wrong my worry about this other girl is for completely different reasons. She's nothing more than a friend, though she was always one of the good ones. I'm worried about her though, I'm usually a little worried about her but I get the feeling I should be more worried about her right now. I got some bad vibes man... she also hasn't been online in a while. But it's Thanksgiving weekend lot's of people are busy. And I'm rarely on later than eight when most people find themselves online. I've just been a little on edge about people lately I guess. in my life too many people have left, and too many people have died for me to feel safe.

Last week I was crying, I am so happy right now. I think I'm losing it. At least things are going well today.

I've worked on so much music and i haven't recorded a damn thing. all week I'm trying to get three different projects off the ground, and trying to figure out if I can make this relationship work. And every time I think I'm doing great the next minute everything falls a part, and than once I'm sure that it's all turned into a hopeless mess I'm informed that it's actually not as bad as I think. I over react... no shit. Always have, but hey... it's got to pay off eventually.

Music, activism, looking at careers and trying to patch things with her, even though I told myself I'd let her go. Even though I thought she hated me... and than she says, "Meet me this Friday." and than i say, "I'll be there." And than I'm there wondering, "Will she show up this time?" She has to.

I'm writing love songs while writing songs denouncing love. I'm protesting the financial institutions while I'm protesting my heart! I'm trying to discover the perfect career while I'm trying to locate the love of my life!

You may think it's insane, you might think it's inane. I can't hold in the excitement anymore. I can't sit back and watch life fly by like I have been. I want to move along with it, I want to do more than just exist.

What, she banned my friend Nietzlawe from posting on her internet newgrounds profile post thing! Or maybe she didn't but the evidence says she did so I'm going to have to take immediate action and ban her from posting on my blogs. To which KailaCakes responds with, "What?"
And I with, "Byyyyeeeeeeeee!!!"
And Nietzlawe with, "Wait... actually..."
"No worries Nietlawe, I banned her from posting here, SANCTUARY! Your safe now."
"But, no, I don't want to be safe. I wanted to talk with her, at least I could try and communicate through these posts, I suppose I sill could." Nietzlawe ponders.
"Oh sure you could." Mr. Hundred nods, "But it's only going to lead to pain and sorrow."
"Uh, guys... are you seriously making this big a deal over e-friendships?"
"Of course!" The Hundred shout.
"Why wouldn't we?" Nietzlawe adds.
"I was once relevant to this discussion." Sinitech thinks to himself.

And everyone stopped and tried to remember who Sinitech was. And once they remembered it the conversation became moot. Internet friends are great, but they're not nearly as real as they seem. Projection, assumptions are just as important to our internet personas as what we build and share.