Birthday Jams.
I'm having trouble linking music.

Artificial sugar has no carbs, this should be a good thing right? Nope, tongue tastes something sweet, brain says, "Ah ha, that sure is sweet. It must have carbs, carbs are energy we got to have a plan for this energy. I know just the man for the job, do your thing Pancreas."
And the Pancreas is like, "Ooo! Digestive hormones, that's kind of my thing... this calls for some insulin! You go little guys!"
And so the little insulin bunnies start hopping around, and they're going through the system and making it all ready for any excess energy and all that. And the body isn't burning the energy so the insulin bunnies decide to hop around and make fat cells to store the non-carbs. But there are no carbs to store and the bodies like, "Dude, what gives. You've got these empty fat cells, go fill them up."

This makes the people hungry and they have to eat real food. Only when they do that the body makes twice as many fat cells so if you mix artificial sweeteners with real carbs, you'll actually become fatter than if you went without the artificial sweeteners.

This is what insulin looks like.

Don't mind me, I'm just a dorkasuarus.

The Knife.

The Sword.

Edgy in a hypothetical literate sense.

I think of some of the most memorable mouth collusions of my existence. There was always a moment when I realized this person was some how interested in me. That they expected something from me and therefor I would find myself gliding in to a spectacular interaction of face parts.

I remember my first kiss like it was yesterday... in fact it was yesterday. No not really, but it was only a year ago and I am nearly twenty-six so I'm kicking in late to the party. But like nearly every make out session I've been involved in, it had a meaningful build up to that moment.

I remember when I reached the moment when it became real to me that I'd share something special with this woman. She said to me, "I feel like you need to have a connection with someone if you will like them enough to be in a relationship. Do you feel like we have that kind of connection?" It wasn't like I was immediately making out with her, but at that moment I knew she liked me. She liked me for about four or five days. We might have had a connection but it must have been a tenuous one.

The next kiss in my existence in intimacy was about six or eight months later. It was the most stable relationship I've ever been involved in. It lasted about two or three weeks, depending on who you ask, or depending on my mood if you were to ask me.
But I knew the that this girl liked me when she dropped the less than subtle hint, "How can you truly love someone if you don't know their middle name. My middle name is..." And she just told me what it was. She couldn't be any more obvious if she pulled the car over and started grinding up against me that very moment... but no, that would come later.

The next person was actually a man. He just said, "I want to see your penis." Men need to learn how to become more romantic. I never did show him my junk, but I did quickly make out with him a couple hours later. A healthy dose of adventure never hurt anyone.

I had a fight with a friend, on a bad day. I felt like people were ignoreing me, including her and she admitted she was. And that she was falling in love with me. I didn't know how to take that because I actually thought she was really cool and would have liked to date her... but I didn't think she'd be interested. I was leaving for summer vacation in a month, I wasn't sure if I'd return and after she told me she liked me she broke contact for a little while. I apologized, our friendship was repaired... and then the week that I left we hung out a lot more, and the night before I was to go we made out, it seemed like it was out of no where almost, but I know that if we had never had that argument I would never have known she had feelings for me and I'd never have grown closer to her.

I haven't been a total slutface. Every time I've found myself in these moments it hasn't been out of desperation or boredom. There was always that connection, just like with the first woman I ever kissed.

I think still The Beatles are over rated. But they're not the worst band ever, they're pretty good actually. Just over rated, like most bands.

The Beatles are a little known hipster band that I liked before they were cool. You probably never heard of them. Formed by John Lennon, Paul McCartney, Ringo Star and George Harrison. Originally they were called The Quarrymen. So they realised a lot of material, most of which was swept under the rug and forgotten by history forever. In 1967 they released their last and probably best album, Abbey Road. The band was splitting a part at the seems and you can hear that tension on the album. Which adds to the over all experience.

Now I'm listening to I Want You So Bad(She's So Heavy). Because big girls need lovin' too. It's an angsty piece marked with blues but also something more. It begins with an odd meter? I didn't know they had it in them. The Beatles actually used an odd meter for once? And these chords? These aren't based on the pentatonic. The lead guitar and organ are jazzy, and bluesy. The vocals express desperation and perhaps a hint of depravity. I'm almost impressed The Beatles. Almost. Okay, I'll admit it, this might be my favorite song by the band. It's really good. The part where he sings, "I want you so bad" It's pretty bluesy but it still has this feeling that's outside this Beatles box. The bassline is pretty good, but I especially like the, "She's so heavy!" part, the odd meter is a delight, the vocals express that need so well, I like the way the chords are played, and that they chord structure and progressions are excellent. Well, the abrupt ending is a bit weird, but I kind of like it. Adds to the bite of the piece.

Io Echo is a world renkown band that's changed the face of the music industry twice over. I probably don't need to tell you who Ioanna Gika is or Leopold Ross. I'll mention that Leopold Ross was involved in many other projects before Io Echo, Korn being one of them. He's done a lot of sound engineering with other projects as well.

I like how this kicks off, slowly and every note fits it's place really well. Ioanna is an amazing singer. Her voice adds a sexiness to the song that unfortunately John Lennon just couldn't seem to pull off. The way this song builds up is spectacular. And it manages to build up and then suddenly stop, giving some space to breath, before another stronger wave. The She So Heavy part is excellent. But in this version the "I want you so bad" part seems to have more highlights. I love how on the last line, "It's driving me mad!" She's screaming, similar to how Kate Bush might. I love that kind of vocal exclamation. And the music begins to take on almost a punk rock kind of ferocity at the end.

So let's see which one I think is best? This is probably my favorite Beatles song, guess I just like dark music. It's got an edge to it that you don't see much of in their music. The cover manages to really bring that out. It's difficult to say if the trouble between the members of The Beatles during the original recording of this song was helpful or hurtful to it's production. I suspect it was a little bit of both.

Eric's sitting alone for dinner again, he doesn't have any friends to sit with. All he has is his beef and brocoli, veggie curry and rice. Also a fortune cookie. Dinner finished it's time to talk to Mr. Cookie.
"Hello Fortune Cookie, what words of wisdom do you have for me today." Eric listlessly announces. He gently breaks the cookie into two neat little pieces. Tragically, it had to be done. The cookie responds, "When you can't naturally feel upbeat, sometimes it helps to act as if you did."
"Thanks cookie, you're a true friend. Maybe even my only friend... perhaps my best friend. But you're still a cookie so now I must eat you." Eric explains, as he lifts the confectionary toward his mouthface.
"Whoa!" The cookie exclaims. "I thought you said we were friends. Do you eat all your friends?" The cookie protests attempting to stall the inevitable. But his cries are in vain.
"I'm sorry cookie, this is just the way things are." Eric says with tears streaming from his face. "There can be no other way!" And so Eric had to eat his only friend.

Today I'm going to do a review, and it's not of a cover song. It's of this intriguing coaster.

It's shape is circular which is practical and matches with the shape of most glasses that we drink from. It's thin, eggshell white with a depiction of an elk. It appears to have some texture which I think adds to it's overall appearance. The elk is drawn or painted on in black, it's position in the center of the coaster allows for maximum contrast. It's an excellent focal point design. The elk implies that this coaster would welcome a glass holding a nice alcoholic beverage or perhaps a fruit juice for the kids.

And as for the function of the coaster, well... it's a damn coaster, I think you can figure it out. Enjoy!

Specifically on my phone.

If I'm known for anything on this site... and rightfully, it might be that I'm an unrequited love addict. That every woman I've ever been interested in has been unable to return my feelings, or that I've been unable to express them.

All that changed, at least for the strangest few weeks of my life. Someone for whatever reason figured that they loved me. Well, it didn't last long, my neuroticism got the better of me. And it mixed with her baggage and we had some mutual instability. I doubted her her expressed love, she doubted my sanity and we parted ways. Who broke up with who is messy, each actually claimed it was the other but it was probably a mutual decision at the time.

What do I have left from the relationship? Not much, I have a curry stain on my canvas bag from when we went out to on Valentine's Day. We had Pakistani, and I don't know how I didn't bring my bag into the restaurant so some of the left overs must have spilled while we were kissing before I went back into my dorm. I just looked at the bag and the stain has faded away. I wasn't happy with it when I discovered it and now I miss it. Because that night was the height of the relationship. It was all down hill after that but it was everything I ever hoped a relationship would be.

The other thing I have is chopsticks, we were planning on going out for sushi at some point. Yeah, exotic and ethnic foods was clearly a shared interest. But those weren't the only plans we had thought up, hiking for the summer was something I was looking forward to. It wasn't meant to be though... she wouldn't of had time for it I guess. That was what she told me about our relationship. That her schedule was too busy. I told her I felt she was pulling away, that she didn't love me anymore.

Maybe I'm too clingy, needy... maybe I'm too insecure. Maybe I just needed to keep my mouth shut and be patient. She was worth it. The problem I had was I couldn't convince her I was worth it. No matter what I could say, I couldn't lie and tell her I was alright. I couldn't keep things bottled up. I couldn't tell her it was all going to be okay, because I had doubts. I couldn't see any way out of it, any way that was fair for her... I wonder though, because it seemed like she didn't want to be with me anymore. She said she loved me but she kept her distance. There was a hesitant manner about approaching me. She seemed tense. I'd never hurt her, I'd never been violent toward her... but her ex had. Maybe my emotional insecurity, my anxiety, my paranoia was all too familiar to her. I may have seemed erratic and unstable.

I could be reading too much into that, but I could just sense she wanted to get away from me. And it's not like I could stop her from leaving me. I know what unrequited love is... it's not love at all, it's an illusion. There's no sense in pursuing it. Now it's gone.

I hate feeling like a creepy fucker I still have a few of the text messages. I can't let it go... not yet. I'll never see her again, I don't know what I'd do if I saw her again. Most likely I'd be extremely awkward. I might have a panic attack. It would be painful... I might even try to flee from such a situation. A stalker I am not, for me most love interests are to be avoided. I always feel like that's how they'd have preferred it. So I make no attempt at reaching out to them, let alone seeking them out.

But here I have the messages. I don't look at them often and I only found them because I had to clean out my inbox. But they're a testament that at some point someone for whatever reason believed that they loved me. For a brief period of time I was actually lauded. If I deleted these messages I would lose that, I would systematically remove those memories, for although they make me feel very sad. They show that I could ruin something so great, something that was unbelievable. It was like it was too easy, like everything fit perfectly... except I had to fuck it up, and run her away. On the other hand, as short as it was it was real, I did for that sliver of time make her happy. I wish I could share them, but I obviously can't. It's not like there are any sexual messages, but the ones I'd share would be the one's where she expressed how I made her feel.

It's proof that I made someone feel special, that I made someone feel loved... excited and happy. But I can't, they are private messages and I'm not going to bother asking permission. I'm never contacting her again anyway, so it's impossible. If I did she'd likely not allow it.

But I will keep them, because without them... I will regress back into the belief that I am unlovable. Given how it ended... perhaps I am.

Okay, this should cheer me up.

Animal drumming for The Melvins.

I might be writing about music for a while, if I write about anything. I have some ideas. I haven't done a Don't Judge a Song by it's Cover in a while. But I want to write about my relationship to a different genres, how I got into New Wave, Metal, Hip Hop, Grunge, Indie, Folk... what I get from different genres. I don't know if this is going to happen or not but it's an idea I'm playing with.