The hedgehog, such a sad animal. A lonely animal, and one who when neglected becomes ill-tempered and anti-social. How is this? Why are there so many sad lonely hedgehogs who hate the world, who push away all there friends and cannot find love and happiness. Did you know though, that hedgehogs get cold. They need the warmth of another hedgehog. But as we all know those damn quills get in the way.

And the hedgehog doesn't want to hurt anyone, but that's what they end up doing.

I feel like a hedgehog. I've been acting self-destructive. Pushing people away. Hurting people who try to help, it's prickly situation. But I'll be better off for it, stronger and maybe next time I'll get things right.

I'm planning on leaving. Not really leaving Newgrounds, but Bangor Maine, probably leave Maine while I'm at it.

It seemed so vibrant and powerful. But what is it now?

I'm not even sure if it's drifting away or if it's my over active and destructive imagination that's prepared to create a self fulfilling prophecy. Does she feel the same way? Does she love me but she's just afraid I don't feel the same, doesn't believe me when I tell her so. I'm not sure... I shouldn't speculate, that's the danger. I know better than to worry, because it'll poison the well.

Right now she has a guy who's prime directive is to make her happy, but she's not. If I can't make her happy than I don't see why I should even bother. Nothing I do seems to be able to help her. Either it doesn't seem to have a positive impact or she claims she doesn't need it.

I still love her though. I really want the best for her, but that doesn't mean anything. If she doesn't love me anymore my love's meaningless. Just because I love her doesn't mean that I'm the man for her. I thought maybe I was different.

And it's officially over.

That's what I'm calling her. Aurora because of the way the light filled up the room the morning after the first night we spent together, Manynames because it's cute and she uses her mother's maiden name and her stepfathers name as well as her father's name. She's really beautiful. She's smart and funny, witty. I've already told her that I love her. After waiting and searching and being hurt so many times... I've finally found the person who loves me back and makes me feel like I'm floating. I'm in school, I'm in love and I'm in trouble? Oh, well... maybe not that last one, not yet anyway.

I had to make two blog posts a week. I had to write several articles for a webzine. I decided to drop the course. I also have a copywriter course, basically we write advertising scripts.

On top of that I have to write a psychology paper, APA format. I'm not sure if there will be much writing for History of Mass Communications and American Government. Which are both primarily history classes.

I'm taking Computer Applications again. I have to pass it. It's a required course no matter what my major is.

Mathew Dear

Mt Sims (Leila)

Com Truise

Laserhawk

Zeds Dead

Grumpy Obama quotes.

"Grumpy Cat hates everything? Fuck it, I like him."
"I won an election once, it was awful."
"Heard you were having a party so I sent a drone strike."
"Fiscal Cliff, I have to side with Republicans on this one."

When I write I realize I have nothing to say.

But I do it anyways because I know that nearly everyone who's worth a damn has nothing to say. All the people who think they have a message are the real fools, liars and bores. Someone needs to give voice to the mindless! Thoughts for the thoughtless.

Like a dreamer who never sleeps, and a sleeper who never dreams. Realities that are interchangeable, inconsistent. I talked to a film critic who was also a realtor, he tells me, "It lacks a plot." I say... "You failed me one last time!" And he whimpers, "Just give me one more chance." And I take out a pistol and say, "I'll give you one more bullet!" While I execute him.

I published a story on a website that's probably best known for erotica.

The story is called Dating Site. It's about a guy with terrible luck with the woman folk. Here's an excerpt. "I opened the refrigerator intending to take some the eggs and bacon... but the idea of eating those things suddenly repulsed me." He masturbates a little bit in the story but it really doesn't go into enough detail to get anyone excited. It's a dumb story, and I'm ashamed... terribly terribly ashamed. I should probably never speak of it. Especially given the site that published the story. Also the main character gets turned into a woman. Because that's what this story site is focused on.

Yeah, just felt like writing that kind of story. But just to be clear, my story IS NOT erotic. It's just a guy, who's suddenly a girl. Because................... reasons.

Yeah, and this happened.

I need to get into some explainations here. I've always had longer hair, at the shortest I kept it a bit past my ears. I went to hang out with some friends and one of them wanted to get a hair cut so we stopped at supercuts or whatever and I'm like, "Well, why the hell not. I need to reset this shit!" So I asked them to cut it. They're like "What kind of style are you going for." I'm like, "Shorter, I don't know. Whatever." And so that's what I got.

Women have decided I'm slightly more tolerable since I've gotten my hair cut. I'm not used to the attention, even though it's pretty modest at best. Nothing too exciting, but I'm used to being completely ignored by the ladyfolk so it's more than I'm used to.

So... adventures in hair happenings.

...I become such an asshole when it comes to celebrations.

Stories from my high school reunion?

First off, I hardly recognized anyone, and even remembered less people than I recognized. And yet everyone remembered me. We have a six year reunion for some reason. Mt. Ararat is the hich school I went to. The school without walls. I'm now going to school at NESCom. On the Husson campus we have The Dickerman Dining Hall. We call it The Dick, and if you're going to eat at the dick you say, "I'm going to go eat dick." My schools are known for their maturity of course. I'm twenty five years old and I've accomplished all the shits in life... I haven't failed to take a shit yet at least. I'm very good at that sort of shit.

One guy walked up to me, "Oh, hey Eric. What are you doing these days?"
"I've just started my freshman year at college." Yeah, six years too late right?
But he tries to keep it friendly, "Oh, yeah... man I wish I took a break before I went to college." Naturally the person I vaguely remember from high school but could not give him a name for the life of me asks, "What where you doing the years up to going to college."
I instantly respond with, "Crippling depression." He stopped talking to me after that point.

I'm hanging out with the people who's faces I recognize and names I remember. I know I could talk to other people, but then I'd need to look down at their name tags and that's such a drag. Another person who's name and face I remember approaches. He graduated from Husson, I already knew this before I came to the reunion. My room mate told me that one time he tried to fap when he thought his room mate had been asleep. Obviously the room mate wasn't sleeping that soundly because I got to hear about it.
He sys hello to one of my friends, they were pals back in high school. He turns to me and says, "Hey, I heard you're going to NESCom, did you know I went to Husson?"
I respond, "Yes, I heard some interesting stories about you."
His eyes glint momentarily with terror, he laughs nervously, "Oh! Oh really, what... what did you hear about me."
I give him a blank look.
He says, "It's okay, it's fine, I have no shame!"
I still say nothing.

I am at home with the awkwardness. I felt comfortable around all these people, with there nervousness, their disappointment and disillusionment. I've been preparing for this day my entire life.